the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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