You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
