when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
