1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
