Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
