I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Randomize
