in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
