I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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