Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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