he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I look better un-naked...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
