My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize