break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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