I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
