I'm lost and stupid without you.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
