TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
