Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
