Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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