just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
