I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
