I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Soap is not a condiment
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
