I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
