You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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