Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
