I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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