ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
