i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I need to calm my uterus...
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