What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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