your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
