I heard we made out
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
