I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
