You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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