I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Randomize
