just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
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Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
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Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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