If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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