Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
