Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
