she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
