so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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