I wanna bring you to show and tell
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I need to align my fucking chakras
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
