upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
should my penis look like a turkey
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
