You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
