She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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