I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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