took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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