shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
