I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
