i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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