You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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