hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
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Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
What a dumb baby whore.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
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We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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