Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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