My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
