who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
