Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
