my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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