Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
