dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
