dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
