i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
