How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
