Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Randomize
