I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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