Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
