Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
