Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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